Thursday, December 14, 2017

I've been silence for so long.

Greetings people,

It's almost the end of 2017 and I actually wanting to write for so long but I didn't get the chance because I'm a lazy and always a lazy bump. I guess it's gonna be a quick review of me throughout the year. I've learn a lot, especially about myself this year. I figure out myself more and learning of self love, it's fun actually; to feel appreciated by your own self.

Earlier to mid of 2017 it's been a busy year to me as I'm in my final semester of my diploma. Finishing and meeting MARA requirements for DPC programs. Don't wanna brag about that but alhamdulillah it all went well (i mean the results) and I'm pretty sure most of my batch-mates sure does, too.
So yeah, to update I actually has met MARA requirements for IELTS test and my cgpa. I've scored band 6.5 for the average test and 3.99 for my whole semester in KPM, and that's that. I'm actually grateful enough as in 2017 I actually taken care of my studies more hardly than before and baam! I got my ass in 2 best subjects (well, alhamdulillah). I can say that my application to University of Canterbury in New Zealand is like 70% of the process and now I'm currently settling all the documents. I'm going to pursue my 1st degree in Commerce majoring in Supply Chain for about 2 years, hopefully inshallah.

My self ass also didn't wanna brag about 'friends' topic anymore in this post. Honestly, I don't wanna think about putting that kind of paragraphs in this post as those people who hurt us, did not ever deserved to be remembered but of course still, I've learn a lot, I'm just tired of opening up and getting dump and forgotten over and over again. Since that, I am very very carefully every time I think I would want to open up to someone. I do keep my circle close too.

Before this, I won't forget to include and update about Iman and my relationship over here. But this time, there's no him. Yes, we're broken up; for good. And yes, I've met someone new. I'm actually pretty thankful when we're broken up there's some friends who really come up to us and ask what actually happened between us instead of throwing hateful judgement (towards me, mostly). Here's my answer, he deserved better and I wouldn't want him to suffer if I can't keep the relationship going. And me either didn't want to live in pure judgments and insecurities I keep getting from him. I think it's just a negative vibe that follows me since 2015 even if I did nothing wrong. I believe that feelings bothers him too. It's been almost 4 months now, I believe that this isn't actually a bad thing either. It let both of us breath of fresh new air. I'm sorry it isn't a good ending from both of us. But most importantly, we both learning from something, good and bad ones. I'd rather be a lover than a fighter.
He blocked me in all social medias and contacts but it's okay, I hope he doing fine in whatever he's doing.

Apparently I'm running out of ideas of what to write more so I guess I'll catch up later! Adios.


Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Reason Why I dont Have an Instagram Account

All in all, I dont remember when was the last time I decided to closed my Instagram account. so far I know, it was last year and this is my second year of not having one. People do ask why I closed my instagram account at first, but I really dont have an exact answers to tell them. Well honestly, how to tell them. For me, Instagram is a medium where you exposed yourself the way you wanted it. It is a world where you can design how you want to be seen.
Well, that is it. I cant,I just cant. People keep showing off things I dont have, things I dont own, things I cant be. Thats making me pretty depressed about my social world. We often want things cant have.
Pretty girls been showing how flawless they are, rich kids been showing off their wealthiness and stuff. Im sure it has nothing wrong with me but it just disturbed my insecurities for a couple seconds while I stared at their pictures.
Insecurities. To be honest, I have big issues of insecurities. I also have been depressed over silly things nowadays. Small issues sometimes make me feel left out. Why cant I just be happy like her?Why cant I be pretty too? Why am I stuck such in a rural place? Why why why.
One question. Are you satisfied with yourself? I dont. Not yet. Maybe I'll get back having an instagram account when Im done with myself. I've set my target to get my foot to oversea and will consider of having one when I'm there. I guess it was kind of reward for myself. I dont know? A kind of satisfaction i guess i would like to thank myself? Actually,  I hate to have my life exposed. But yeah, at least when I'm out of Malaysia no one would really know how my life will be there. While in Malaysia I guess I have nothing much to show. I hate pretending things I dont have; happiness.

P/s ; I had to make an instagram account for my instashop, It's for my assignment please follow (thanks!)
Xoxo, A