Agony

Hello earthlings. Life has been hitting me so bad right now. I cant even imagine the amount of stressed and depression i must undergo week by weeks. Unfortunately I cant even be done of it. Same bullshit, different days. Ive tried being positive and that's when im not alone and surrounded with positive people and foremostly doing things that make me forget all those problems. Luckily, last week i got myself to a convention in Selangor and I really glad i made it as an escapism trip for myself. I had lot of fun and most importantly, i forget and leave everything behind.

Recently I just found out that i've got some haters issue. the irony is when it was from the people who has been rarely talking to you, not caring a shit about you. Yea, its them who talk bad behind our back. Seriously dude, i dont give a single fuck abt people who thinks they know me well and spread negative vibes about me.

To The Boy I've Loved Before

A boy as as sweet as his name. It's almost 2 years now that we haven't met each other daily. I hope he's happy and I hope that life is treating him well. I suppose sometimes I can't always get the future I envisioned for us, and I guess I have to accept that. If some lucky girl out there get the chance to hold his heart, I hope she gives him the world. And if maybe she's somehow reading this, here's a few things you should know. He probably eat anything. He's a big eater. Sometimes you wouldnt want to finish your meal just to feed him. Let him finish your food. Not just because he's a big eater, because he himself would enjoy being spoon fed by you. I can tell you he likes being spoiled like a big baby. Not much can I tell about his favorite food, but make him proud by learning cooking. He would be honored to taste every bit of your cooking. He would lie that your cooking is so delicious while it is just an average taste. Bake him cookies, bake him cakes. He loves all that calories. Please dont take it to your heart everytime he insisted you to learn cooking, believe me he just wanted to be the lucky one for you. He loves action movies, comedies.. Dont argue with him over some fairytale movies you would want to watch, because he'll always win. If in the middle of the movie you get bored, staring at him would make you feel calm. Like, the world has stopped just for you. You wouldnt want the movie to end so quickly as you can feel so content by just staring at him. If he caught you staring dont look away, show him how much you would want to stare at him for the rest of your life. You'll be proud to call him your 'mine'. I swear its the best view i have along my life and maybe for you, too. Dont let him pay all the expenses. Show him you're the independent kind too. We all know he's just a student, like you and me (atleast for our ages) 

Most importantly, treat him right. Treat him like its the precious thing you ever have. Get your time altogether for him. Even if you busy, make him understand how much you didnt want to neglect him. If you're near, make time to meet. Not always, because it will irritate him. If you're far, dont missed a chance to make him feel content. He may seems not much to share daily so just spill out what you think in your mind. Keep yourself to always asking him about his whereabout. Be there for him, because you'll never expected what the time he will need you the most. You would regret the time you're not there and he needed you. He may not a douchebag full of cliche love stories, sometimes he would look just as silly you would think how on earth that he can be yours. He love surprises. He loves singing. There will be time where you needed his lullaby to make you fall asleep. He would probably asking you few times whether he's handsome to you so always drop a few compliments here and there so he wouldnt feel insecure being with someone as beautiful as you. Dont ever be a queen control to him, especially when he's with his fams, He may few times pick his family over you so please be understanding. Dont be a 'pushy', he hates that the most. Leave goodnight and morning texts. Make him proud of you. Dont ever betrayed his trust and he will love you more than you would love yourself. 

Whoever you are out there that gets to call this boy yours, cherish every second of it. Because it will be one of the best moment of your life, just like I had.

Xoxo, A 

Keeping it Real

HI & Assalamualaikum everyone. sorry for a no-post entry for a very long time. Its hard to get the laptop on when you have the mood to write as im a very-very lazy person. And yeah, many things might just want to disturb me when im going writing again. I dont know why I get back writing here, maybe just to find myself back after a long time sinking in a deep ocean which has brought me to places i dont even know now. And yes, just to be updated i was chosen as one of the SRC and i  literally have no idea it would taken away most of my time. My new semester is totally different from the previous one like 340% (the rest is bcs i still like sleeping). I dont know, it was just the end of January, which I still think like it-whilst this week is the last week of February. I mean, like wow the starting of 2016 is quiet tough for me. I never really have rest sometimes, all those sleepless night, all those classes, quizzes, tests, and not to forget those paperworks im working on - they're all just insane to me. I've never been as zombie as i am right now. Oh yeah, talking about people, this kind of starting just bringing me surprises of peoples' true colours. I hate to complain but their behavior just keep on surprising me! *smile cynically* Why did I say so? bcs all those angelic lil faces and always-right kinda faces bringing me into the stage like 'hey, ur not always right' and seeing them standing on their ego without toleration is just so disgusting. I really regretted opened up to some people not bcs they know a part of me, but because of their judgment. I regret, very much. So I just let myself get back to writing, its the only place people may judge me in a different way. And the only place I think I can spend just to myself. One prob: Istiqamah. tu je. Hey, whatever it is, keep standing on your root - jangan tinggal solat, kalau tinggal, qada, baca quran at least once a day hopes it can purify your heart, call parents, treat them right, keep praying for them and lastly, appreciate those who's still willing to stay by yourside. Thank you bad, marisa, my fams, for really accepting me for who am I. For iman, im just amazed by your love towards me, they're so full. I appreciate it. Eventho sometimes we spent just on fighting, but really. Thank you for staying with this stubborn, rebellious hearted-young girl. Guess that for now.

p/s: im writing at 2 am, and i was like 'hey im hungry, can i eat right now?'

Xoxo, A.