And fast forward, I'm 24 now. Effing 24???? *how did I get older without an inch of maturity rising inside of me?!* And surprised, I'm still here in the land down under. I truly miss my parents and sister, as well as the years I could have spent with them. But, dear younger me, we're still in the grip of a pandemic, and Malaysia isn't progressing any better. Well updates, got a new better job and done my interview for the permanent position last week. I'm crossing my fingers that I got it; I'm not hoping for it, but if I get it, it'll be a savior in my life. I'm still hoping to get a permanent job in my industry just to make sure I can do it. I did *sorta* well in my studies, so I guess it'll be a waste if I can't do something with it, just my two cents.
I just want to say that writing this has made me feel a lot better. It's difficult to find someone to talk to these days, or perhaps I'm just not good at keeping friends close to me. I was miserable these days, cooped up with emotions, and I let it overwhelm me. 'Treat yourself like someone you love,' that's when I realized I hadn't been taking care of myself properly. Or, to put it another way, I did not love myself as much as I did others. I'm seeing myself through the eyes of others; I despise it when others define me, but I'm defining myself based on the opinions of others. I'm not sure if this made sense, but it made me feel bad. I'm not sure where to go or where to begin.
2021 has been calmly intriguing and midyear now, I've witnessed death and also near marriage (proposal) of close friends. Dear blog, I don't know what else to say.. I wish these tears could have typed it for me. I'm still miserable. Please, do pray for my mental health. And here's 🍸 to my 20th day of sobrierity.
xoxo, A
